I'm your father
by Grey Fish
Summary: Warning, this story may cause uncotrolable laughter, nausea, vomiting, rashes in places you dont want, and character bashing influences. Read with caution. Now with a minty fresh Taste!
1. The Call

Hello, this is Grey Fish reporting for duty. Well, mostly just Fish but nevertheless.

Okay, this is basically what happens when you are bored out of your mind and drink way too much sobe then what could possibly be considered 'healthy'. A VERY random story that won't make a whole lot of sense.

Summary: We are taking the American dubbed version of Yu-gi-oh and basically screwing up everything from the very first episode. (Yay!) Kaiba is paranoid, Tristan actually knows things, Joey always spouts out random things, every other word Téa says is 'friendship,' Yugi is a perverted little druggie, and Grandpa lives in 'da ghetto.' More insanity to come!

Warning: Extreme OOC and randomness, probably going to get very weird hence the rating. If you can't handle the world being flipped upside down then STOP reading here.

Disclaimer: This will be the only one in the whole story so pay attention. We don't own jack squat so don't sue.

Chapter One: Joey vs. Téa

* * *

A boy and a girl were sitting at a small table in a classroom that was surrounded by two other guys, one short with disturbingly spiky hair and the other tall with a cone shaped hair style that would make Elvis turn in his grave.

A girl by the name of Téa put a card down on the table, obviously in the middle of a duel, "I play friendship in friendship mode and end my friendship. Your friendship Joey." She made a peace sign.

The blond headed boy stared blankly at the girl in front of him, "Uh, would you repeat that for me?"

"FRIENDSHIP!" Téa yelled as she stood up and glomped Joey.

"GYAA! DEMON! DEMON!" Joey yelled frantically running around the classroom.

Suddenly a fellow student walked by for some unexplained reason singing, "Final Fantasy is an RPG…" and walked out again.

Yugi blinked but said nothing, stuff like that happened a lot.

"Fine!" Joey finally sat back down at his spot by the table, "Go stone thing, attack!" He called his monster to attack Téa's.

"I activate friendship! Say friendship to your friendship!" Téa pointed at Joey.

"Uhh…in English please?"

"Joey, I think she means you lost." Tristan pointed out.

"Aww dang!" Joey glared at Téa.

"Don't friendship mad Joey." Téa smiled.

Joey's eye twitched crookedly, "DIEEE!"

"Hey I have an idea, let's skip school and go to my grandpa's card shop for no reason at all!" Yugi jumped out of his chair and ran out the door.

"Young man detention!" The teacher yelled at him.

"Screw you prune," Yugi held up three of his fingers, "Read between the lines sucker!" Yugi laughed and proceeded out the door with his friends in tow, they didn't really like math that much either.

Card Shop

A figure was hunched over in a chair and seemed to be talking to a blank wall, "You, wall, must kill Yugi in his sleep. I have made many attempts but they-OH! Yugi, I didn't see you there." Grandpa Muto laughed nervously, "So what are you doing home so soon?"

Yugi gave him a fixed stare, "Skipped School."

"Sounds reasonable." He smiled, "So can I do for yo-"

"It's the only one I need, the only RPG for me…" The same student from earlier passed by yet again singing her song.

"How did she get in here?" Tristan blinked.

"Who cares?" Yugi slapped him, "Gramps, we're bored. Show us some of your lame-ass cards."

"Ohkay dohkay! I'll just pull out one of my cards at random. Yo, yo, yo what do ya know? It happen to be my Blue Eyes!" Grandpa said, turning into a ghetto rapper all of the sudden.

"Ooh…ahh…" The group said sarcastically, that is all except Joey. He had a strange feeling that the old man was mocking his fake Brooklyn accent.

"Now ya'll, I shall rap you a twenty minute story on how I got this lame-ass card!" Grandpa took out his mixing board and started scratching the disks. "I'll tell you a story of a little guy way back…"

"Shove it pops, just give us the dealeo!" Yugi slammed his fist on the counter.

Suddenly the bell to the shop rung in the tune of Outcast as someone walked in the door.

"Major league baseball told me you have a card I want…heh heh heh heh…" A very paranoid voice called from behind them, "YESS! THAT'S THE ONE! BLUE EYES!"

"GACK! IT'S KAIBA!" Joey yelled a tad bit unnecessary.

"How did you know he had a Blue Eyes ya biatch?" Yugi pointed.

"Major league knows everything! Muah hah hah hah! You fools just don't know it yet, they're reading your minds." The CEO pulled out something from behind his back, "Old man, I'll give you this tin foil cap if you give me the Blue Eyes."

"ACK! YES!" Grandpa handed over the Blue Eyes for the small thin layered cap.

"Here, now they can't read you mind!"

"Yo, yo, yo, tis spiffy dawg."

"Grandpa…Why'd you just give him your lame-ass card?" Yugi asked, slapping his hand against his forehead.

"'Cause I needed a new cap."

"I have to agree with gramps man," Joey butted in, "His last one was just plain creepy."

Flashback

Yugi and the usual company were currently having a slumber party when a very loud thump was heard from upstairs.

"Yo Yug', what was that just now?"

"Dunno but I want to find out, come on chump and chumpette."

After kicking Téa awake they journeyed upstairs to see what the source of the 'thump' was. After searching for only a minute they stood in front of Mr. Muto's door and were about to open it when they heard another sound coming from inside.

"Precmmffmumph."

Yugi stared for a second then opened the door, "Yo gramps try to keep it down in here- HOLY CRAP!"

It turned out the old man had fallen out of his bed wearing nothing but his tighty wighties and was sucking on his old orange cap, "Precioussss, musssssst keep sssstupid fat-assssssss midget from ssssssstealing the preciousssssssss."

Well, after that incident Joey, Tristan, and Téa never again spent the night at Yugi's house.

End Flashback

"Heh heh! Now I have to go…Heh heh heh! BEWARE OF MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL!" Kaiba laughed running out the door.

"Oh, yo Yugi that reminds me kiddo! Ya got a package from the guy who made duel monsters."

"GAH! WHY WOULD I GET A PACKAGE FROM THE LAME-ASS CREATOR GUY!?! I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE FRICKIN GAME YOU GEEZER! Man, where's my Mary Jane…"

"Yugi, I've told you before. If you won't share with me or company, more importantly me, then MJ is not allowed."

"Well no duh dipshit, if I shared with you then you'd just waste it all."

"How can you possibly WASTE the white stuff man?" The old man looked rather disappointed.

Yugi grabbed the box and opened it. Inside was a videotape and a gift wrapped packet of leafy green powder. Before Yugi could do anything, Grandpa grabbed the packet and jumped onto the nearby kitchen table.

Tristan sighed; his psychologist was going to hear a lot out of him today.

"Yo Yug' lets watch the tape." Joey yelled from across the room.

"Alright, hold on a second chump." Yugi slid the tape into the VCR. The screen popped to life as the creator of duel monsters appeared on the screen

* * *

  
  
Well that's all you get for now. Please review, flames are welcome. We don't really care what you say or how you say it just as long as you say something.


	2. Midget doesn't get the girls

Grey: Grey and Fish here, posting another chapter of 'I'm your father.' And since nobody asked about the title, we aren't going to explain it. XD

Fish: Fish thanks reviewers for reviewing, namely the Galwithagunblade (cool name by the way) Luna, and y does it matter.

Grey: Anyway, please keep your legs, arms, and other limbs inside the train at all times or we shall hack them off. And for all of you suicidal maniacs, please do not unfasten your seatbelt until the ride has come to a complete stop. Thank you, now enjoy the insanity.

Chapter 2: Midget doesn't get the girl

* * *

A man with straight white hair popped up on the TV, standing next to him were two girls who looked like they belonged more to the American magazine 'Playboy.'

"Hello Yugi-boy, I am Maximillion Pegasus, and I have come to you with a proposition."

Yugi wasn't really listening at the moment; he was busy staring at the girls on the TV and trying to flirt with them despite the fact he was separated from them by a thick layer of glass.

"Would you stop that!? I'm trying to talk with you, and stop flirting with my women!"

"What happened to that Cecilia something or rather person? News says yous guys were married not too long agos." Grandpa shouted from across the room.

"Oh, um...her...Eh, hem hem." He coughed. "The proposition is, that...I STEAL YOUR GRANDPAS SOUL AND MAKE YOU DUEL IN MY TOURNAMENT TO WIN HIM BACK!" He yelled, a light coming from underneath his hair.

"Wow...He did something useful..." Yugi blinked, and then resumed flirting with the girls.

"GAAAAAH! YOUR SOPOSED TO GO AND SAVE HIM!"

"Give me a reason too."

"I found your supply of coke, Yugi-boy." Pegasus smirked. Holding up a packet of the white stuff.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yugi fell to his knees. "WE MUST GO SAVE IT!" he glared at Pegasus. "Ok, how do I get it back?"

"You must come and duel in my duel monsters tournament, and if you win, you get it back!" The freak on TV laughed.

"Aww...man..." Yugi sighed. "I hate this game..." The screen clicked off. Then clicked on again.

"By the way...BRING YOUR SHINY GOLD PUZZEL THING!" the screen turned off again, then turned on.

"AND PRETZEL STICKS!" The screen clicked off one last time.

"That was odd..." Tristan shook his head, "I don't have to come do I?"

Of friendship course Triscut friendship bean dip." She smiled at him.

My name's TrisTAN not TrisCUT. And where the hell did you get bean dip?"

"Yes you have to come. We're all going...Cause if he gets me there, you going too..."

"FRIENDSHIP!!!" Tea laughed, holding out the bean dip.

"Uh...no thanks..."

"Good call Triscut, you have no clue where it's been..." Joey shuddered. Tea was infuriated by this.

"YOU FRIENDSHIP!"

"Do you think she's rabid?"

"Wouldn't doubt it, but maybe we should stay away just in case she begins to foam at the mouth."

Tea put her hands in the air, "FRIENDSHIP!" and gave Tristan and Joey the glomp of d00m.

"My pants are on fire, save me cowboy Bebop!" Joey shouted, trying to pry himself away from Tea's death grasp. Tristan and Yugi just stared at him.

"I don't have to stay here in this crap-shack with you losers. Let's go get high or something." Yugi shrugged and began to walk out the door.

"But friendship, don't you friendship care about friendship?"

"Oh, yeah, that tournament...I CANT GET HIGH WITHOUT MY CRAP!" He growled. "Damn...I have to go."

"FRIENDSHIP SPIRIT!" Tea pumped her fist into the air. "LETS FRIENDSHIP!"

"So, monkeyman...Where do we go coconuts to get to the island the tournament is held on?" Joey asked.

"Uh, there is a map in here guys." Tristan pointed out, pulling the map out of the box. "And it says here these two cards and starchips are your entrance to the tournament. Keep the cards for later though."

"What the crap is this guy thinking?"

"And it says here 10 starchips get you into the finals, which you collect on this gauntlet." Tristan held out the offending fashion statement of a glove.

Yugi grabbed the cards in his hand, wrinkling them slightly, "I wonder how much these will go for on eBay..."

Tristan sighed, "Yugi you NEED those."

He shrugged, "Fine, whatever, then you gets to keep them!" Yugi smirked. "Cause I sure as hell aint gonna take care of them and carry them around."

"..." Tristan wondered why he was their friend again.

"So lets cookie our way over to the yonder blue whale and head out to that bloomin banana!" Joey laughed, grabbing his coat.

"Yeah, let's go to the friggen ship and get this damn tournament over." Yugi growled. "Man, I need my coke and a whore. NOW!" he paused. "Those babes Pegasus has may be the fun I'm lookin for. The ones around here are getting too old."

"But friendship! You're under Friendship age!"

"Only to you woman." Yugi gave the finger and headed out the door with Joey.

"I hate my life..." Tristan stared at the door.

Airport

Yugi sat in the waiting room and glared at the police officer for the umpteenth time in one hour, "Yes I do have an 'effin ID, I am not freakin' lost, and I do NOT need to fucking phone home so my mommy knows where the bloody 'ell I am!" he snapped, extremely annoyed.

"My, what a mouth you have young man." The police officer shook his head, "Did you get that foul language from your older brother?"

Yugi was about to attack the 20th police officer to harass him when Tea popped in, "Friendship sir, Yugi friendship is friendshipping with friendship."

He gave her a blank stare, "Would you mind repeating that?"

"She means that Yugi is in the presence of the King and Queen of chili and tofu. Isn't he such a darling princess?" Joey pinched Yugi's cheek who then proceeded to pummel him.

Tristan continued to read his newspaper from his spot near the boarding point. Things like this always happened when they went to public places, he had learned by now it was just better not to say anything then trying to come between Yugi and confused cops and old grandmas.

An hour had passed and the police were still arguing with Yugi. Tristan was fed up with it. "Dammit. He's with me, now if you excuse me, we have a plane to catch now!" He grabbed Yugi's arm and ran to the boarding, which was now loading. Joey and Tea grasped the idea they should follow.

They went through the metal detectors, but as Yugi was going through they went off. "I'm sorry kid, but we'll have to scan you." Yugi pulled a knife out of his pocket. "Dare to come closer inspector pervert? I saw you pattin' down those ladies, which I clearly called dibs on earlier!"

The security guard, who happened to be a fat, balding, old man, gave Yugi a spectacle look. "Little boy, put down the plastic butter knife, I am only trying to do my job."

Yugi glared, "So now what? You're a child molester? I tell you what; I'll let you 'frisk' me, when you go to 'ucking h-" he was cut off by Joey.

"Blue man, don't ya know who he is? Es the KING of cheeto puffs and wireless internet!"

The security guard blinked questionably. "What mental asylum did you escape from boy?"

"Dorito! I didn't Picasso my tuna through a thong!" Joey glared at the guard. "You must be a gay penguin. Stupid elephant fish."

"Ok, that's it young man. I'm calling the ward on both of you."

"There will be no need to sir." Tristan walked up and pried the butter knife out of Yugi's hand. "I'm their caretaker and I'm sorry for this pause. C' mon guys, if we're late we won't get to see Santa!" Tristan pushed them past the guard and onto the plane.

Yugi growled, "Where do you get getting off treating me like a little kid?! If I still had my knife I would stab you so hard you'd feel it in your b..." He trailed off; there was a flight attendant down the aisle near their seats. He proceeded to running to his seat and sitting down.

"So young lady, you come here often?" He started with one of the cheesiest pick up lines man had ever created.

The young woman giggled, "I work here you silly little boy." She patted him on the head.

Tristan then showed up with Joey to find the giggling flight attendant and Yugi pouting.

"Why am I always mistaken for a kid!?!" he slouched. "IT'S NOT FAIR!"

"Its ok jalapeno, there are turkey moose out in the grass." Joey sat down beside his friend. Yugi just lifted an eyebrow. Tristan took the seat behind them, Tea right beside him.

"Yeah, doesn't friendship worry friendship!" She glomped him from behind.

Well, Yugi and co. were actually supposed to be taking a boat but didn't because it was much faster taking the plane. Because of this they made a pit stop at a local McDonalds and ate. Yugi got a kiddy meal despite many death threats which means he'll be in a bad mood in the next chapter.

* * *

Grey: Okay, you know the drill. Please R&R, if you do then we will give you M&Ms

Fish: Like 'ell fish will.

Grey: Shush! It's called bribery, and it's perfectly legal.


	3. Since when is Yugi a psychologist?

Grey: This is the newest chapter to "I'm Your Father,"

Fish: And just in case you cant count very well like fish then it's chapter number three.

Grey: Sorry there are any spelling errors and/or grammar mistakes but I didn't really feel like re-reading the whole thing and checking it. So… tough cookies.

**Chapter 3:** (For lack of a better title) Since when is Yugi a psychologist?

* * *

After devouring a slightly filling meal at the oh so convenient airport McDonalds, the group headed out onto the island.

"Wow...This Cheespuff got Nachos!" Joey stated in awe at the island with many topiaries and platforms for dueling. A huge mansion stood in the middle of the island, people gathering around it.

"I'm guessing that's where we'll wait until Pegasus calls the tournament start." Tristan pointed to the forming crowd.

"Friendship! I think friendship right!" Tea hugged Tristan. He shuddered, the walked to the crowd with Joey and Tea following.

"Hey..." Joey stopped. "Where'd Vash and the Texas Rangers go?" He looked around.

"Friendship right, Joey! Friendship Yugi, Friendship?" Tea also looked.

"Oh, great, don't tell me we lost the midget." Tristan covered his face. "Just what we need, the main reason for this trip missing."

"Well high ho my silver! Lets find the turkey mongoose!" Joey slithered into the crowd of people, blending into his natural habitat, El Crowdious Maximus.

"I've given up hope on life." Tristan muttered to himself as he was left in the middle of the crowd, due to Tea leaving to go sniff the flowers they had passed earlier.

Just to further annoy the pointy haired sane one, the girl from previous chapters walked by again, singing her oh so delightful tune. "Final fantasy is all I play, all other games are lame...

"WHY MEEEEEEEEEEEE!?!"

In the mean time, Yugi seemed to have finally found the girl of his dreams. Tall, long black hair, pale skin, curves in all the right places, tight fitting clothing, and no mind of her own. He found her sitting on the bench near the meeting point for all the other duelists.

"So Michele, after all of this is over we could get to know each other a little better at my place." He out his arm over her shoulder.

She let out a high pitched giggle, "My, you are just my type my very young little Yugi." She flipped her hair and leaned over so far that she was practically on top of him. She was about to plant a big one on his lips when all of the sudden.

"Mr. Jackson there you are! Pegasus was getting worried that you wouldn't be able to attend your 5 o'clock tonight." A woman in a gray suit said as she walked up to where Yugi was sitting.

He blanched, "M- Michele?"

"Michael actually." The newly dubbed Michael pecked Yugi on the cheek and with a wink he walked off with the woman in the suit.

Yugi shuddered and crawled over to the closest corner he could find and went into the fettle position, "So... unclean..."

Tristan sighed as he looked around for our pointy haired midget. He finally saw a tuft of red hair poking from behind a rock. "Finally."

He looked over to see our oh so loveable traumatized midget. "Ok, now that I have found you, lets go back and get Tea and Joey." Nothing. He poked Yugi, "Are you ok?"

"Not...clean...Not...clean...Not...clean..."

"Erm...ok.."

"It puts them all to shame!"

"Great..."

"TEH CHIKENZ ARE COMING!" a duelist with purple hair and a red ski cap ran by, waving a white flag frantically.

Tristan blankly stared. This was going to be a LONG trip.

The purple haired possessed-one ran up to Tristan and poked him in the chest, "Y0U DUN APPR1C13A73 T3H P0W3RZ 0F L337 OR T3H CHIKENZ! PH34R 7H3M!" and hissed then ran off again.

Tristan just stood there, blinked a few times, then turned around to face Yugi. "Come on, we have to go before we all go insane."

He looked over in Joey's direction just in time to see him running around with what appeared to be blue and white boxers on his head while shouting, "All your base are belong to us!"

He glanced back over at Yugi and saw that he was still taking comfort in the fettle position while sucking on his thumb. Mumbling he added, "Or rather before 'I' go insane."

-A few hours (in Tristan's opinion) later-

Tristan had finally managed to get Yugi and Joey sane enough to gather into the crowd with the rest of the duelists. Tea had seemed to have disappeared, but that didn't matter really.

"Welcome duelists!" A man with tacky white hair in the shape of a lampshade walked out with two scantily dressed ladies in bunny costumes. "This is the duelist kingdom tournament! I am you great host Maximillion Pegasus! Judging by you all here, you received the package containing the gauntlets, stars, and cards I sent. If not, please go jump of that cliff over there" Unexpectedly a few people did. 

He cleared his throat. "Now that that is over with, I shall tell you what this tournament is about!"

He smirked, "The gauntlets are for your duels, the ten slots on the gloves are there for star chips, collect ten and you can get into my mansion-err...castle! There you will have the honors of dueling me, THE GREAT CREATOR OF DUEL MONSTERS!" He paused looking at the crowd. "You know, you can start dueling now..." With that last line, the duelists stampeded out.

"Hmmm...Who should I pathetically lose to first?" Yugi groaned looking around.

Suddenly a flash of green hair shorter than him knocked him over. "Ow..."

The green haired one stopped. "I AM A TONBERRY! I SHALL RULE YOU ALL!" He was dressed in an odd manner, a green shirt, and tacky navy blue pants. In Yugi's opinion, he probably just crawled out from under a rock.

The green haired tacky dresser pushed his glasses up. "Did you hear me? I AM A TONBERRY! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!"

"Erm, right, and I'm the queen of England." Yugi lifted an eyebrow.

The other gasped. "Why your majesty!"

"Yo Queenie," Joey shouted as he walked over to stand beside Yugi, "Why art thou talking to the likes of Harry Potter?"

"I'm not that sorry excuse for a Britain! I am-"

"Harry friendship Potter!" Tea ran in out of nowhere and glompped the green haired one, "Why friendship aren't friendship friendshipping friendship?"

"Yeah," Joey interrupted, "Why are the cheese puff nachos served with cottage cheese?"

"This fic needs subtitles," Yugi sighed.

"FORTHELASTTIMEIAMNOTHARRYPOTTER!" the green one growled.

"PH34R T3H L337!"

"We...need...subtitles...now..."

"Ok! THATS IT! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!" the green one pointed to Yugi.

"Why me? What did I do?"

"Nothing."

Yugi randomly pulled out a notebook and a pencil, "And why are you dueling me then?"

"I dunno..."

"And what would your purpose in life be?"

"I dunno..."

"And why haven't you jumped of a cliff yet?"

"I dunno! GAAAAAH! IM WORTHLESS!"

"Exactly, now hand over your star chips and deck and nobody gets hurt." Yugi held his hand out patiently.

"I HAVE NO PURPOSED IN LIFE! AHH!" And with that he jumped off of the nearest cliff he could find, deck and star chips in all.

"That was.... odd." Tristan concluded as he finally found everyone.

"Dammit, I wanted those star chips!" Yugi stomped his foot in rage as he said a rather long line of random curses that, for the most part, made now sense.

"But I thought pasta didn't like the tartar sauce?"

"What scares me is that I actually understood that," Tristan sighed then mumbled, "I think I'm going to go join that little green haired munchkin at the bottom of that cliff."

Yugi sighed. This was going be a lot harder than he originally thought to get his white stuff back.

-End chapter-

* * *

In our next episode: Will Yugi ever get his white stuff? Will Joey win his first duel? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON 'IM YOUR FATHER'! -Cheesy American music plays-


	4. The Pro Wrestler and the Pimp

Now we all know, for those three of you reading this piece of shit, that the last review got to fish's head.

Fish: FISH IS GOD! -does his fishy god dance-

Now, for you three who reviewed, thanxs a lot and here are some naked Seymour pictures.

Fish: oO: fish swears fish not gay!

Warning: This chapter contains Ryou wearing a tight pink suite with a black shirt and leopard print hat. If you detest the fact that Ryou is a pimp, quit reading now. If you continue to read, we shall realize you didn't read this and are really stupid. If you decide to flame us, well...SCREW YOU! YOU FRIGGEN LITTLE GOOD FOR NOTHING-

Fish: -holds up censored sign-

-Last time on I'm your father-

"I AM A TONBERRY!" oO;;;

-Now the chapter-

Inside Tea's mind...aka: Tea's POV

'After Yugi and co. got over the incident of Harry Potter, erm...I mean weevil jumping off a cliff, they continued skipping quaintly on their journey, making sure to pet every bunny and help every bee on the way. But soon the evil dark lord Kenny the Moose stood in their tracks, preventing them from going any further. There was a great loss on the lawnmowers side that day. So sad. So sad. They should be making friends! Friends solve everything! I'm sure the lawnmowers and grass could've gotten along if they used friendship! ARRRRGGGG! I WANT A DAIFUKU!' She waved her arms around frantically.

-Normal POV, orange you glad Fish not saying bananas?-

Tristan, who was unfortunately standing beside Tea, was promptly knocked over, and rolled down the conveniently placed cliff beside the group.

"Wow, Triscut just ate a turtle neck there." Joey looked down and winced every time Tristan hit a jagged rock, or somethingmore,or lesser, of that equivalent.

"FRIENDSHIP FRINENDSHIPPING FRIENDS!!" Tea stomped her foot. Joey gasped.

"You just humped a gay penguin cussed!" he pointed accusingly.

Then, quite conveniently, the purple haired duelist from earlier came along flapping his arms. "PH3AR T3H CH1CK3NZ!"

"How bout no, and you jump off a cliff." Yugi gave shifty eyes. "Nobody would really know you were gone, and you have a face only a blind mother could love."

"ARE YOU INSULTING THE CH1CK3NZ?!?" again, another accusing finger, only from the purple haired one this time. "CAUSE I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE FOOL!"

"Ooh, I'm so afraid, what are you gonna do? Peck my eyes out? Cause I'm in drug withdrawal and there are a bunch of thoughts going through my mind..." Yugi stated, his words dripping into pools of sarcasm, which Joey started drowning in.

-Meanwhile, down at bottom off cliff-

A bruised, battered Tristan, was trying to maintain sanity, and splint his broken leg with a shirt and two sticks. "And as always, they pay no heed to me...The poor injured sane soul." he bowed his head. "WOE IS I!"

-Back with Yugi-

While we where with Tristan, a couple vulgar and obscene gestures and phrases were thrown about. That's only saying it in the least though.

"THATS IT! I CHALLENGE YOU!" The purple haired one pointed.

"No."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO?"

"No, as in, you are completely insane and didn't read your script."

"What script?"

"You know, THE SCRIPT."

"Uh..."

"Come on, you have to know the script!" Yugi smirked.

"Oh, THAT script..." The purple haired one said, obviously not knowing what he was talking about, "I decided to uhhhh alter it a bit."

Yugi slapped his forehead, "Why do I even bother...?"

"Hey, that's my line!"

Yugi gasped.

Tea gasped.

Joey gasped.

The purple haired one gasped.

A random hobo gasped.

"As in, Why do I even bother with you sluts!" a guy wearing a pink suite and a leopard print hat came strutting in with two scantly clad women. His long white hair flowed down his back as he slapped the ass of the gal next to him.

"Oooooooooh!" the woman jumped.

"Now, be a good girl and shove a phone up your ass to make a booty call."

-At bottom of cliff-

"I'm running out of shirt..."

-Back with Yugi-

The pimp looked up to see yugi. "Hey sucka! Its 50 bucks for a fine ride on one of this gals!"

"Is that friendship, you friendship Ryou?" Tea gasped.

"Erm...no...I'm his cousin Sunny D." He looked around nervously.

"THAT IS FRIENDSHIP YOU!" Tea pointed accusingly.

"No, I'm Sunny D, the world wide known pimp-masta!" He gave a saucy smile. "Right gals?"

The girl next to him giggled. "You're so hot Sunny!" obviously extremely high.

-At bottom of cliff-

"YOU DAMN SQUIRLLES! QUIT THROWING YOUR NUTS AT ME-OW!" Tristan was yet again hit in the head with an acorn thrown by a demon squirrel.

"Why me...All I wanted to do was inspire the minds of little kids and tell them not to do drugs by ripping phone books in half..." Another acorn was chucked at him. Now you readers are wondering what the friggen hell we're talking about, but, when we do cuts scenes you miss things. So, if you sue us for not filling you in, screw you.

-Yugi n' co-

Currently, we come back to see 'Sunny D' in a reverse shrimp hold. "You friendship lying friendship Ryou!" Tea tugged at his leg.

"How the jumping lima beans did the poodle jump through the wet noodle?" Joey stated, staring in awe as Tea beat the living shit out of the pimp-masta. Yugi, meanwhile, was just laughing his arse of, after finding out wild mushrooms do just as well as coke in the mean time.

"FINE! I GIVE! I GIVE! I AM RYOU! DAMMIT! LET GO OF ME! THAT HURTS AND I NEED MY BALLS!" the now revealed Ryou squeaked as something went 'pop'. Yugi was still laughing.

The two girls that were previously with Ryou gave a look that was a mix of disgust and regret before they left, all the while whispering how much money they got off of him the night before.

"Oh Jesus now look what you retards did, those two were virgins when I first got 'em and when they finally get some experience you guys mess with my hardware!" Ryou half shouted half pouted as he limped over to where Yugi was currently doubling over. "What're you laughing at biatch?!"

"Dude...That tree is hot..." Yugi then proceeded to make out with the tree.

"Um...Is he okay?" Sickening noises came from the side.

"You're so sexy tree...With your bark..and your leaves...and your...your...YOUR SEXYNESS! ALL MIGHTY TREE!"

"Um...How is he even doing that with a tree?"

"OMG HE ATE ROY!"

"GASP! OH MY FRIENDSHIP!"

-Down with Tristan-

All you see is a pile of nuts.

-Back with Yugi-

And so, Yugi passed out from making out with the tree, And Ryou joins the group. We now know that Tea is a pro wrestler, and Joey, is well...still Joey. And that Ryou doesn't have balls anymore. And Tristan now realizes, not all squirrels defend their nuts, some rather throw them at you.

-Just back with Tristan-

"OH MY SWEET HOLY MOTHER OF CHEESECAKE! THAT WASN'T AN ACORN!"

-End-

If you liked Tristan, screw you. He'll be back later, so hold your -beeping- little horsies.

Fish: NOW GO! AND REVIEW! AND MAKE FISH HAPPY!

We'll give you candy...we all know strangers have good candy...so come into my car...and I'll give you candy...

Fish: oO Fish want candy...


	5. Enter teh Gayness!

Attention readers… all 5 of you… we would like to apologize for the late update. Here, the only people who run this troupe are arrogant, lazy-ass people who don't like doing much of anything. We are sorry to keep you waiting and hope you enjoy this chapter.

Sincerely,

The Management

**Chapter 5: Enter teh Gayness!**

* * *

_Last time on im your father-_

_"HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF CHEESECAKE! THAT WASNT AN ACORN!"_

_To actual chapter-_

After a few minuets of walking pointlessly through the woods with their new companion, da pimp-masta, they were tired. Don't blame me for crappy writing. Blame them for eating to much motzerrella sticks. You may say 'but they had none'. I say to that, you aint the author so...buzz off.

"The stick said to the cow to pina colada my socks," Joey yawned and sat on the ground.

"I guess your right, bitch, time to rest." Yugi also sat down, and just to save some space, the others said something completely pointless to this story and sat down also.

"They hurt so bad...my poor balls..." Ryou rocked back and forth, sucking his thumb.

"Why don't you friendship duel friendship?" Tea questioned poking Yugi and Ryou.

"Cause it doesn't involve coke."

"My poor balls..."

"YOU FRIENDSHIP WILL FRIENDSHIP DUEL!" At this both of the said boys 'eepd' and promptly found a spot to duel in.

"Well, Yugi, I guess before your dueling I would like to show you this!" Suddenly the surrounding area went neon pink, and Ryous hair spiked up.

"Uh..." Yugi blinked uncertainly before he blacked out. The changed Ryou giggled.

"Finally, the sexiest puzzle in the world belongs to me...huh?" he stopped as yugi apparently got up. "My, my, my...YOU'RE SO SEXY! LEMME PULL YOU INTO A CLOSET!" the new Ryou promptly glomped 'Yugi'.

"WTF are you going on about you arrow headed psycho?"

"Oh such a temper tsk tsk, daddy here's going to have to change that." And with that the new Ryou licked his lips as he pinched Yugi's cheek.

This, of course, didn't go over well with Yugi as he prompted to wrestle around in the new Ryou's grasp all the while screaming at the top of his lungs. "HELP ME! IM TOO BEAUTIFUL TO BE RAPED BY A... TWO GAY PSYCHOS IN ONE DAY!"

"Soooo feisty! I like that..." The new Ryou purred as he began to pull Yugi away.

Soon, the new Ryou and Yugi were in a deeper part of the woods. "M'kay sexy, lets see what your made of!" 'Ryou' squealed as he gave Yugi a big kiss.

"GETTOFF OF MEE!" Yugi screeched like a little girl, pounding his little first grader fists on what was supposedly 'Ryou's' chest.

Ryou sniffled. "Why do you dislike me so much?" His eyes got big and watery. "What'd I ever do to you?"

"Lets see, first turning the surrounding neon pink and then trying to rape me?" Yugi stated sarcastically.

"Hmm, what about the disappearance of your friends?"

"Who gives a damn about them."

"Fine, more fun for me then, and not that slut Téa who obviously wants in your pants. I mean really, she doesn't the ways of a Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan." 'Ryou' giggled. "Now how bout you give me some sugar?" He patted his lap.

"How bout no, instead we actually do duel." Yugi raised an eyebrow.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOH!" squealed the white haired one. "I wanna pick thestakes! I wanna pick the stakes!"

"OOOOOOooooooooookaaaaaay..." Yugi simply stared.

"If I win, your my love slave for eternity, if you win...well...the normal Ryou will come back and I'll release your friends souls." he nodded

"So either way for me its a lose-lose situation." Yugi sighed, getting out his deck.

"Oooh, finally I get to try out my new cards SQWEE!" 'Ryou', uhh, sqweed Oo; as he ran over to a conveniently placed stump to set up the duel. Yugi and the author then agreed that never should any man, no matter the age, should say "sqwee" as long as they lived. It was just downright disturbing.

"Why do I get the feeling that this is going to be an incredibly long and awkward duel?" Yugi sighed as he slowly followed the pointy haired one to the stump, "And why the heck are we battling on a stump? There is clearly a picnic table over there where that random hobo is sitting."

The hobo waved to them, then gasped.

And after he gasped, he ran.

"Come on sexy! sit down!" 'Ryou' patted his lap.

"Uhh, no thank you." Yugi stated, sitting on the other side of the stump. "Lets just duel, so I don't have to be around your gayness anymore."

"Are you saying your a homophobe? Why? There's nothing to be afraid of...I don't bite...hard." he winked. This caused Yugi to schooch back a bit. why am I using the word schooch? 'Cause I don't have a dictionary, that's why.

And thus, after a few more gay and homophobic statements, the duel went under way. Or was under way, or was on the way, or...never mind.

"So, Yugi-sex-ra, I'll go first if you'll be such a gentle man as you are...So soft and squishy...With huge puffy lips...Uh, oops carried on too far there!" He fluttered his lashes, "I'll play one card in defense mode and this card face down, and that ends my turn!" He promptly giggled.

All Yugi could do to this is stare and wonder how the hell he ended in this mess.

_End chapter five-_

* * *

Fish: FISH IS PIMP GOD! 

Grey: oO; That's always nice to know….

Fish: Nods : P


	6. Short li'l Diddy about Yugi and Bakura

This is Fish! Fish is reporting for duty! ROGER!

Note: Grey is outta town so Fishy is doing this chapter by fish's self. This chapter will probably be short, and maybe a little boring, due to fish being drain bred…brain dead…Fish likes those words. o

Apology: Fish apologizes on Grey's and Fish's behalf to all five readers out there that Grey and Fish haven't updated anything for a year. Fish apologizes from fish's little fishy heart!

Reviews:

Oodori: Sankyou! Fish and Grey try to make ficcie as un-consistent as possible. Fish thinks Fish and Grey are doing a darn good job at it too. Keep laughing please! It makes Fish's soul glow with Fishy goodness! -throws you some candy-

Blake: Um, did Blake remember to bring suntan lotion to hell? Because Fish knows what its like to be on a bar-b-que, and Fish is pretty sure that is similar to how hot it is. Fish recommends an Fps...or Spf...or Psf...or whatever those darned sun lotions thingys go by.

Silver: Fish is happy Silver still cares! Fish would give Silver a hug, but fish's fins don't stretch that far. And yes, FISH IS PIMP GOD! And here ish the update, but grey no here...so it might not be as good as usual. Fish sorry. TT

Warning: This chapter contains more Gay Bakura. Don't like, no read!

Disclaimer: WE NO OWN YU-GI-OH that other dude does...

_-Last time on 'I'm your father'-_

_"So, Yugi-sex-ra, I'll go first if you'll be such a gentle man as you are...So soft and squishy...With huge puffy lips...Uh, oops carried on too far there!" He fluttered his lashes, "I'll play one card in defense mode and this card face down, and that ends my turn!" He promptly giggled._

_All Yugi could do to this is stare and wonder how the hell he ended in this mess._

Storeh Time!

"Hunny, in order to duel you need to quit staring at me and draw!" 'Ryou' fluttered his lashes again, mistaking Yugi's blank stare for something else. This of coarse cause Yugi's eyebrow to twitch slightly.

"I want my stuff…" He sighed drawing a card to add to his hand. '_Ok..._' He thought. ' _I just drew a slutty purple girl...and in my hand I have a blue elf lady...Freaky soldier with tacky haircut...A green card...Wait...That's my visa! How'd that get there! Eh, nobody will notice the difference. Ok, there is this flute thingy...and then there is cheese eating steroid popping rat with a knife. What the hell is the guy who created this game on? Cause I want some!_' His train of thought stopped there when something squeezed his thigh.

"Hun, you're taking too long!" 'Ryou' giggled, his face up close and personal with Yugi's.

"GETTOFFA MEEEEEEEEE!" Yugi shrieked like a schoolgirl finding out that she was being spied on while in the girls locker room shower. 'Ryou' cringed a bit, then scooched (there is that word again!) off to his side. Yugi shook his head violently to get the unwanted contact removed from his memory, while placing the steroid enhanced rat on the playing field. Amazingly a miniature version of it appeared on the board…only it was wearing lingerie..."What the…" He stared blankly, again.

"Do you like its new look? I made it work myself! All monsters that are played will end up in some sort of kinky outfit! Isn't it wonderful?"

"I think I'm going to vomit..."

"Oh, don't be such a homophobe!" The albino giggled a bit more. "So I'm guessing with that you end your turn Darling?"

"Vomit..."

"Darling?"

-Missing scene including mass amounts of vomit-

-Another missing scene including a ballistic gay guy who just got his pimp jacket ruined-

-Back to the story-

"So darling, now that we've gotten that settled, can we continue the duel?" 'Ryou' blinked in a innocent manner.

"Massive pain..." Yugi gurgled from across the stump, looking as if an eighteen-wheeler truck carrying a bunch of overweight, clog dancing, polka dot bikini wearing women ran over him. Repeatedly.

"Oh, don't be such a wuss. And you call yourself a man?" The albino sighed.

"Oh shut up!" Yugi drew another card. '_Ok, this time it's a guy wearing a dress with a flaming sword. I've had enough flaming people for today, thankyouverymuch_' He sighed. "Ok, I'll use that freak of nature rat to attack your card..."

"Ooh, bad move love, but you just attacked my man eater bug!" 'Ryou' wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Cause I'll eat you up just like my precious little creature here!" He pointed to a humanoid bug wearing a dancers thong with a few dollar bills hanging out of his side.

All Yugi could do is gawk and hope who ever had this really poor and sick sense of humor would stop picking on him and just let him have his stuff back.

-end chapter 6-

Fish: Fish sorry chappie short! Fish promise next chapter will be better because Grey should be back by then.

Note: We of grey fish do not have anything against gays. In fact, one half of the person who acts as fish actually worked at a gay bar. We love you guys!

-Sincerely, the management

Fish: that should clear that up. Fish hasn't figured out who management is yet, but fish guessing management is something important... FISH IS SO LOST WITHOUT GREY! COMEBACK GREY! COME BACK!

Management: make sure to review...we'll give you candy

Fish: ooooh….candyyyyyyyyyy


	7. Let's just say no to that

Fish: OH EM GEE! FISH AND GREY'S ANNUAL YEARLY UPDATE!

Grey: Yes, it's true folks, we only update I'm Your Father once a year.

Fish: Fish is being redundant!

Grey: That's nice.

Disclaimer: If we had a penny to our name, we'd consider ourselves rich.

We don't own this 'Yu-gi-oh' of which you speak of.

* * *

I'm Your Father Chapter 7: We'll all just say no to that.

_Last time on 'I'm Your Father'_

"_Ooh, bad move love, but you just attacked my man eater bug!" 'Ryou' wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Cause I'll eat you up just like my precious little creature here!" He pointed to a humanoid bug wearing a dancers thong with a few dollar bills hanging out of his side._

_All Yugi could do is gawk and hope who ever had this really poor and sick sense of humor would stop picking on him and just let him have his stuff back._

Storeh Time!

Miraculously 'Yugi' ended up winning the duel after all. Then again, there is only so much Bakura the authors can take, and that definitely was enough. God forbid us to get to Battle City, amen. But I'll summarize what the chapter would be like if we had written out the full battle.

Joey: holy moose on a mustard stick! I'm fetching a flambé!

Tea: I'm friendshipping friendship dress friendship!

Tristan: Why does life hate me! –emo, emo-

Little Yugi: Aw, crap. Why do I look like a retard now?

Bakura: I'm fabulously gay!

Big Yugi: God save me.

And Bakura gets sent to the shadow realm. The End.

And that would pretty much be our entire chapter. Sorry folks, even we can handle so much of Bakura at one time. Again, sorry for being redundant.

Actual chapter:

"Does anybody have any clue what just happened?" Yugi glared at his companions.

"Friendship!"

"Okay, anyone besides Tea?"

"The cheesepuff people created the moon!"

"Or Joey."

Tristan spoke up, "Well what I think happened was-"

"Okay, since nobody else knows let's just leave the British hooker here to get raped by that creepy white haired guy that was here a second ago. Maybe that will stall him long enough for us to get the hell out of here."

"The term is pimp MASTA!"

"As I said, the British hooker."

"I don't like you very much."

"To the bat mobile Jack Hana!"

"Quiet Joey." Yugi sighed. He believed he was having a few withdrawal symptoms. It really wasn't helping him out any. Just then, a new plot erupted!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" A scream erupted in the distance. This of course caused Joey to jump and promptly wet himself. Yugi cringed.

"Does anybody else vote to ignore that?"

"But friendship friendly friend friend friendshippy friend friendly friend friendshipping friendship friend, Yugi you friendship friend of a friendshipper!"

"I second the louse feasting possum of yore who knighted us at the oddly octagonal table and dubbed me sir not appearing in this battle for the sake of mens boxer shorts everywhere." Joey nodded. Yugi took it as an agreement to whatever Tea said.

"Since I don't understand a thing your saying, I'll take it as we're ignoring it."

"Um, actually Yugi-"

"That's right, ignoring."

"But how are you going to get your-"

"Ignoringggg!"

Tristan sighed, it was time to pick a different tactic. "How are you going to get your stuff back?"

"#$!" Yugi shouted. Several hundred miles away, a little boy asked his mommy what it meant, and got scolded. Poor little boy.

Yugi and the gang decided to sprint triumphantly through the forest as it made the scene appear more dramatic despite the fact that they only had to go about six feet to find the source of the scream.

Low and behold, a scantily clad woman had just lost a duel to a giant chin. "It's so hideous; I can't bear the site of it! AHHHHHH!!!"

"Quit your bitchin' and show me where the crack is!" Yugi pointed dramatically, and then was attacked…or hung onto by the woman.

"Do you think I'm pretty? You do, don't you?" she squeaked, eyes watering.

"Um…"

"Please tell me I'm pretty…." She sniffed.

"Cheesecake poodle muffin bars?" Joey questioned.

"Ok, that's enough of this, you there, yeah, you with the chin!" He pointed yet again dramatically, "Give me my crack!"

"I'm sorry." The chin spoke. "I can't do that."

"You can and you will!"

"I'm sorry." The chin spoke. "I can't do that."

"….I don't think this is going anywhere Yugi." Tristan sighed, but of course he was ignored like usual. Nobody ever listened to the guy with a bit of wit about him. Oh no, not him. Never.

"The hard on is right, Yugi" Pimp Masta Ryou declared as he walked up to the group. Somehow within the last twenty second of dialogue he had managed to get another hoe on his arm. No, we don't know how that happened either. What Tristan didn't understand

is how they were on the island by the fact this game was made for children. He did hope that this was not the way Pegasus hoped to inspire young children's minds. It was hopeless. Why did everything hate him?

"Too much information about yourself I didn't need to hear!" Yugi shouted as he tried to wriggle free from the girl's iron grasp.

"I'm fat, aren't I? That's why no one likes me."

"FRIENDSHIP LITTLE FRIENDSHIP!" Tea snarled, perhaps the only frightening thing she has ever done in this story and will ever do, and attacked the other girl.

"WOO! CATFIGHT!" Yugi's mood suddenly changed. Of course it changed again, when he realized he somehow accidentally stepped on the dueling platform.

"Oh, snap."

"I'm sorry Dave, but we have to duel now." The chin spoke, thus beginning another epic duel.

* * *

DUN DUN DUN!!!!! –dramatic music-

End chapter 7

Fish: Woot woot. Dance time.

Grey: This story is getting worse and worse every year.

Fish: True dat.

Grey: Double true.


End file.
